Change
by japnken
Summary: At least Steven hadn't changed. For the most part, at least. Spinel likes Steven. A lot.


Everything stayed just the same. Not a single thing had changed.

The grass was still green, and the sky was still blue…

Steven, did change, however.

But Spinel certainly didn't.

Spinel was considered a good person now- … a crystal gem is what they called it here.

She wasn't one of his best, best friends. All of his real friends are still here too. Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl.

But he was an 'adult' now. (Is that what they called it?) now he had a metaphorical binding to that girl named Connie.

Spinel still believed that she had a chance, to tell Steven how she really felt. But now he's changed and he is… different, but also the same. In many aspects, too. He was still very nice and patient with her. He sounded and looked different, but that only made Spinel more nervous in his presence because he'd changed and she hadn't. Spinel didn't change. Gems don't change. She never did understand why humans were always changing so often.

At first… she didn't really like Garnet, Amethyst or Pearl that much. But being on Earth for all these years was an ordeal. It changed her in a way that she didn't want to change. She wasn't willingly going to want to change, and everyone around her knew that. The Crystal Gems and Spinel had a nice, unspoken but mutual agreement that they would just… give her a soft little push when needed in the right direction of change.

And Spinel was okay with that as long as it was slow. There was time.

Garnet was always nice and gentle. She was a fusion. She always has a solution to every problem. And she was never wrong. Spinel learned that lesson the hard way.

And Pearl? ...Pearl was… well she was Pearl. She was smart and charismatic. Spinel liked that about her.

And… Amethyst was one of her new best friends. It was something that neither of them could describe.. but they really resonated with each other somehow. Might've had to do something with feeling alone, I suppose.

And then there was Peridot and Lapis and Bismuth that she didn't really pay much attention to. They were fun.

And that Connie girl who was always hanging with Steven. She tried her best to help when help was needed when it came to Spinel. But Spinel didn't really like her.

But Steven. He was just the same old guy she knew from all those years ago. And now here she was, just sitting next to him in this open grass field out front of the barn. He always made time for his best friend… even if he was the busiest he's ever been.

It was a beautiful day. The whole bunch hung out in the barn and Um Greg grilled 'hot dogs' for everyone to eat. But there was something about that day and the beautiful fall weather that made Spinel feel magical. Almost made her feel… confident, if that was even in the cards for a gem like her.

But... she was with Steven.

"I always thought… we were friends." She trailed off meaningfully, the words hanging on her tongue.

"Y'know, like. Best friends?"

She couldn't believe how weak she felt around Steven. She couldn't believe how defenseless she was when it came to him. She couldn't believe what she felt for him. The guy she tried to kill.

It wasn't until now that she realized how pathetic she sounded in this heavenly moment. She leaned forward and tucked her head between her legs out of utter shame and embarrassment.

"What do you mean? Of course we're friends." He leaned forward to meet her disturbed gaze.

"Steven. Not like that." She uttered. She could tell that his expression had changed considering the silence spell that had washed over them now.

Steven hesitated and hummed affectionately.

"I know, Spinel." A hand atop her head; a gentle pat.

"You're really bad at hiding things." He chuckled after a moment.

The warmth of his hand and his soft voice sent her crazy. A whirlwind of emotions overwhelmed her and now her eyes were watery. She quickly sat up straight and her gaze lingered on the grass for a moment.

"What.. do you mean?" She huffed. "What are you talking about?"

"It's okay, buddy," he began to rub circles on her back now. "I get why you're acting like this."

Buddy.

"A-...acting like what?"

"Like… I dunno. Talk to me, buddy. Tell me how you're feeling."

Steven Universe wanted to know how she felt? What if he's just saying that…

He is just saying that.

"How do… I feel?"

Steven nodded. "Yeah. It's okay. You can tell me."

How did she feel?

If she was going to do this, it needed to be perfect. She thought long and hard in the lulling quietness. She felt...bad. And she didn't exactly… trust Steven. In a sense that they were not very close… but they were close. Maybe it was just that Spinel was distant and Steven probably was too with everything going on.

And yet here he was.

She couldn't think- no. She didn't want to think. She thought… that maybe it was okay to think. It felt good to think.

"I think… I feel bad." Spinel recited in a whisper.

She couldn't get the one thing that she wanted to say out of her mouth.

"Okay. Let's talk about why you feel bad." He bolstered expectantly.

No, no, no!

"N-no! I… don't want to." She murmured again like a whiny child.

"Oh, okay." He hesitated, cutting his words short.

"I just…" she groaned angrily, getting impatient with herself and most importantly, Steven.

If he wants to know something, couldn't he just ask already?!

"Steven. Don't get mad at me for this." She sighed.

Balling her hands into fists, she stood up, her arms dangling lazily at her sides. Steven's eyes went wide with shock in a calm way. But he kept quiet and waited expectantly.

"Steven. I felt like I could finally get the swing of things here and then… out of nowhere…" her voice faltered.

"I really, really… love you."

"You love me...?" His gaze fell to her clenched hands.

"Yes!" She giggled maniacally. "And I really wish you could just! Urgh!… Love me back!"

"Love you back...?"

"Yes! Love me back, love me back, love me back…" she repeated, yanking violently at her hair.

"What? I uh- Spinel, relax!"

He quickly stood up to pull her hands away, gently holding them in his own.

"Talk to me."

Right, she just needed to talk. Just talk. She can talk.

"Okay, okay. Talk. I'll talk."

"Good. You can talk, right? You're great at talking."

"Yeah-yeah." She gulped.

Slowly but surely, she met his concerned, confused, terrified, and nervous (and all the above) gaze with hers.

"You okay?"

"Steven. Why can't you just! Love me like you love Connie!?" Spinel stifled.

"Spinel that's… that's so different." He stuttered, letting go of her hands. "I love you both… differently."

"And that's just my problem!"

What was her problem?

Spinel didn't really know.

She needed to think. Thinking was good.

Think before you speak.

Spinel was different from Connie, and that was okay. It was gonna have to be.

Steven loves her differently, but he loves her nonetheless. That was a start, kind of?

"It's… it's different." Spinel said. "Different good or different bad?"

"Spinel… you know it's different good."

"But…! It's not!"

"But it is!"

"It is? … how?" Spinel's eyes widened like he'd given her some kind of mind boggling riddle.

"Because. Spinel. I'll always be here for you. And I know you'll always be there for me when I need you."

"And?" She demanded.

"And…"


End file.
